Let the Cicada Sing
Let the Cicada Sing
Edit article
Their
moments in life I can change transform you I can bring every moment of
your life to focus. The ever changing Wheel of the year brings know
comfort and all your left with is the emptiness a hallowed out part of
your heart ,I can't even hold a spark. Your hope it Is all but
diminished you pray for the end to come yet does not. There comes a
moment when you find peace and yet again you're faced with a choice ,
Live or die. It seems so easy to make The choice will end all the
suffering and the pain but this is not a selfless act this is the most
selfish act you Can make.
It's a funny thing you're faced with that choice. Thinking of all the mistakes you've made blaming all those who are around you. Blaming society or politics or the way you were raised for the things that happen to you and there's 10 second moment actually contemplated ending at all.
So you remember the Joy and wonder you have seen in the states away you Look up and you see the only thing you ever asked for the first place. A sign a reason to go on I looked up many times from the darkest hole only to see something that gave me the push I need to Climb out of it. The thing is it was the cicadas singing they gave me that push.
The bountiful beauty that this Earth holds can only be matched by the beauty of someone's soul. That knows compassion and kindness and freedom their have been many people like this in my life. I once talked about what to happen to me in a cornfield how the song that I heard it leaves in the clouds that Drifted across the sky . They're only been 6 times I actually contemplated ending my life the first as after I was abused by a babysitter but instead of anywhere life I ran out of cornfield I had a life-changing moment write up my power back I listen to the song and followed the voice to only be reminded it was going to be okay.
The second was a moment but I went up north to die I couldn't find love I have no destiny I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, I idid not think it was worth seeing it through but I want to go visit my father and he had said something to me that make me very angry .it was lucky that he did because I went out to the back his home it Started tearing down old dead trees .I learned what I was capable of this day seeing the total destruction, I had just caused knowing but I could do serious harm if this had been someone I loved. the thoughts quickly went away but I had to find a better way to release my feelings.
The third time I went to New York City the very first time a dream I have had since I was young boy I thought but if I was in the Pacific Place at pacific time I would find my one true love February 14, 1994, 222 p.m. In the freezing blizzard middle of Central Park wondering why the hell I was standing there. who could ever love me I didn't like myself very much the fact I hated myself I thought about just laying down living in the snow cover me but it was Valentine's Day I've always have the gift to give back to those who are in need on my way to pick a place to just lay down saw a homeless person but look under a bridge it reminded me of the show I used to watch long time ago so being
compassionate person I am I went and bought a formula for this person and all I did was leave it there is nothing more than no carts that said class of 1993 I thought if you could make it through so could I
The fourth was a moment where I feel deeply in love with a friend and yet she never loved me and return after searching my mind for what was wrong with me and I couldn't find the answer I thought maybe I'll have to just change everything I have for her to love I even contemplated become exactly the kind of person she wanted need to be but all this did was believe me feeling empty and like all I was doing was putting on a mask that would never happen real we have got drunk one night and Everything that I ever had finally came out I'm not going to say I acted like gentleman because I didn't betrayed the only true friend I ever had at the moment I saw her in the hospital because of me.
AI I Realized all I was doing but Prolonging her pain from living a happy life I walked away but then a friend of mine died I saw his life being snuffed out for doing an act to say somebody else's life I'm here Promise trying to live on in his name it didn't stop from having more thoughts .
The fifth time was due to eight years of grief over the actions that moment on I have done to my friend.D I didn't think I did not deserve to live I was a horrible person of what I had done. Which I want to be clear but I just hurt her feelings I can't remember exactly what happened that night and she's never told me her side of the story so I have to go by what I believe is the truth. even though I was happily married my second year of marriage the pain became too much I took a knife and I was 10 seconds away from causing serious harm to myself but then I thought of my new wife and also from she had injured with people taking their lives I call her and instead it was I felt even more in love with her I got help
The sixth and final time we have moved to Florida for a better life only defined Life not worth living I can't wait for everything I had loved everything that I had want we didn't have much choice but we still have one be homeless removed to Florida needless to say one bad thing after the other just seem keep happening you'd on the way down there it was like the Lord and Lady I believe in were screaming go back but we were already committed. I can only say this to the time in Florida was the worst I've ever experienced in my life up to this point not only did my anxiety go through the roof my depression was the worst have ever been I wasn't sure I was going to make it one way or the other this is going to end either I was going to die or I was going to leave meet my wife got in a pretty big fight for money only the six we are having our entire marriage she took the car I wasn't sure she was coming back I hated my job I hated my life I hated everything about my surroundings there was no joy but something stop me again I promise I made to myself reminding me but That was not the way I'm happy to say she came back and we patched things up.
After that moment thanks finally starting to turn around we have the ability to move backward wanted to be I could quit the job I hated I could paint and create things again fall is a total change it is also the time with the cicadas start to sing the most it's a buzzing sound but I think its symphony oh joy and wonder every time I hear the sound in the fall usually from August to October and always around my birthday their have been three creatures I have always been around of my life animals I have always seem to come around when I needed the most Number one is the rabbit so sleep of the tree it were baby rabbits sleeping beside me Number two has been the cardinal it sounds always remind me of the connection of family and Whenever I hear I think of all the family in my life it has not always been my blood okay like consider my brother or sister the last is the cicada it sound has penetrated through me and Every fall I go through a quiet reflection like I lived up to this point and I am thankful had not been for that cicada send I may not be here.
Let me be very clear when I say this suicide is never the answer thoughts come and go but you are stronger than that no matter what's going on in your life I'm matter what hell you come through the hell you put the people you love is far worse anything you could've ever gone through save one thing I think so and abused her whole life I will disagree with that and I couldn't blame them for thinking those thoughts.
I have overcome many challenges in my life a learning disability I learn slower than most people
I currently have the equivalent on eighth grade education even though I completed high school. Depression and anxiety mental life question what I was. The brilliance of a life lived bequeaths today's something I once told a sister who was my friend you with the great thing about being broken is? you get to become someone new the best part of yourself you don't need those pieces on the ground anymore know Who you are, they who they are you were and when you look into the mirror and the next time you will see your true self and the longer the mask laying on the ground.
So let the cicada sing every time question yourself or maybe you'll see clouds part in a certain way or maybe that beam of light you've been waiting to see finally shining on you. Or a bunny rabbit just decide to lay down next to you and sleep. For the reeds of the Cornfield was saying tell you it's okay friend will remind you did make a difference.
I have a saying “Be free “ and This is what that means
To be free to carry the gods as they carrying me to say I love you often you've into yourself. To have the courage, but compassion be your passion. Have that attitude of gratitude every day. You know I have wisdom To share with others. Never forget to enjoy the little things to let the freedom of my heart lead and Have the courage to listen. To say how may I help you more say how can you help me. To be cool I say I am a priest, of witch a man of service. To let go of my want except for the Lord and Lady will give to love unconditionally even in times of great need.
This is been my credo nearly 10 years now still have a lot I Left to go but I will spend it trying to live up the ideals I have created and those thoughts may come again somewhere in the future but I know at that moment I will here cicada Sing and I Will finally be free.
Trust me tell anybody I don't care who it is that you're having these thoughts call this number National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
It's a funny thing you're faced with that choice. Thinking of all the mistakes you've made blaming all those who are around you. Blaming society or politics or the way you were raised for the things that happen to you and there's 10 second moment actually contemplated ending at all.
So you remember the Joy and wonder you have seen in the states away you Look up and you see the only thing you ever asked for the first place. A sign a reason to go on I looked up many times from the darkest hole only to see something that gave me the push I need to Climb out of it. The thing is it was the cicadas singing they gave me that push.
The bountiful beauty that this Earth holds can only be matched by the beauty of someone's soul. That knows compassion and kindness and freedom their have been many people like this in my life. I once talked about what to happen to me in a cornfield how the song that I heard it leaves in the clouds that Drifted across the sky . They're only been 6 times I actually contemplated ending my life the first as after I was abused by a babysitter but instead of anywhere life I ran out of cornfield I had a life-changing moment write up my power back I listen to the song and followed the voice to only be reminded it was going to be okay.
The second was a moment but I went up north to die I couldn't find love I have no destiny I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, I idid not think it was worth seeing it through but I want to go visit my father and he had said something to me that make me very angry .it was lucky that he did because I went out to the back his home it Started tearing down old dead trees .I learned what I was capable of this day seeing the total destruction, I had just caused knowing but I could do serious harm if this had been someone I loved. the thoughts quickly went away but I had to find a better way to release my feelings.
The third time I went to New York City the very first time a dream I have had since I was young boy I thought but if I was in the Pacific Place at pacific time I would find my one true love February 14, 1994, 222 p.m. In the freezing blizzard middle of Central Park wondering why the hell I was standing there. who could ever love me I didn't like myself very much the fact I hated myself I thought about just laying down living in the snow cover me but it was Valentine's Day I've always have the gift to give back to those who are in need on my way to pick a place to just lay down saw a homeless person but look under a bridge it reminded me of the show I used to watch long time ago so being
compassionate person I am I went and bought a formula for this person and all I did was leave it there is nothing more than no carts that said class of 1993 I thought if you could make it through so could I
The fourth was a moment where I feel deeply in love with a friend and yet she never loved me and return after searching my mind for what was wrong with me and I couldn't find the answer I thought maybe I'll have to just change everything I have for her to love I even contemplated become exactly the kind of person she wanted need to be but all this did was believe me feeling empty and like all I was doing was putting on a mask that would never happen real we have got drunk one night and Everything that I ever had finally came out I'm not going to say I acted like gentleman because I didn't betrayed the only true friend I ever had at the moment I saw her in the hospital because of me.
AI I Realized all I was doing but Prolonging her pain from living a happy life I walked away but then a friend of mine died I saw his life being snuffed out for doing an act to say somebody else's life I'm here Promise trying to live on in his name it didn't stop from having more thoughts .
The fifth time was due to eight years of grief over the actions that moment on I have done to my friend.D I didn't think I did not deserve to live I was a horrible person of what I had done. Which I want to be clear but I just hurt her feelings I can't remember exactly what happened that night and she's never told me her side of the story so I have to go by what I believe is the truth. even though I was happily married my second year of marriage the pain became too much I took a knife and I was 10 seconds away from causing serious harm to myself but then I thought of my new wife and also from she had injured with people taking their lives I call her and instead it was I felt even more in love with her I got help
The sixth and final time we have moved to Florida for a better life only defined Life not worth living I can't wait for everything I had loved everything that I had want we didn't have much choice but we still have one be homeless removed to Florida needless to say one bad thing after the other just seem keep happening you'd on the way down there it was like the Lord and Lady I believe in were screaming go back but we were already committed. I can only say this to the time in Florida was the worst I've ever experienced in my life up to this point not only did my anxiety go through the roof my depression was the worst have ever been I wasn't sure I was going to make it one way or the other this is going to end either I was going to die or I was going to leave meet my wife got in a pretty big fight for money only the six we are having our entire marriage she took the car I wasn't sure she was coming back I hated my job I hated my life I hated everything about my surroundings there was no joy but something stop me again I promise I made to myself reminding me but That was not the way I'm happy to say she came back and we patched things up.
After that moment thanks finally starting to turn around we have the ability to move backward wanted to be I could quit the job I hated I could paint and create things again fall is a total change it is also the time with the cicadas start to sing the most it's a buzzing sound but I think its symphony oh joy and wonder every time I hear the sound in the fall usually from August to October and always around my birthday their have been three creatures I have always been around of my life animals I have always seem to come around when I needed the most Number one is the rabbit so sleep of the tree it were baby rabbits sleeping beside me Number two has been the cardinal it sounds always remind me of the connection of family and Whenever I hear I think of all the family in my life it has not always been my blood okay like consider my brother or sister the last is the cicada it sound has penetrated through me and Every fall I go through a quiet reflection like I lived up to this point and I am thankful had not been for that cicada send I may not be here.
Let me be very clear when I say this suicide is never the answer thoughts come and go but you are stronger than that no matter what's going on in your life I'm matter what hell you come through the hell you put the people you love is far worse anything you could've ever gone through save one thing I think so and abused her whole life I will disagree with that and I couldn't blame them for thinking those thoughts.
I have overcome many challenges in my life a learning disability I learn slower than most people
I currently have the equivalent on eighth grade education even though I completed high school. Depression and anxiety mental life question what I was. The brilliance of a life lived bequeaths today's something I once told a sister who was my friend you with the great thing about being broken is? you get to become someone new the best part of yourself you don't need those pieces on the ground anymore know Who you are, they who they are you were and when you look into the mirror and the next time you will see your true self and the longer the mask laying on the ground.
So let the cicada sing every time question yourself or maybe you'll see clouds part in a certain way or maybe that beam of light you've been waiting to see finally shining on you. Or a bunny rabbit just decide to lay down next to you and sleep. For the reeds of the Cornfield was saying tell you it's okay friend will remind you did make a difference.
I have a saying “Be free “ and This is what that means
To be free to carry the gods as they carrying me to say I love you often you've into yourself. To have the courage, but compassion be your passion. Have that attitude of gratitude every day. You know I have wisdom To share with others. Never forget to enjoy the little things to let the freedom of my heart lead and Have the courage to listen. To say how may I help you more say how can you help me. To be cool I say I am a priest, of witch a man of service. To let go of my want except for the Lord and Lady will give to love unconditionally even in times of great need.
This is been my credo nearly 10 years now still have a lot I Left to go but I will spend it trying to live up the ideals I have created and those thoughts may come again somewhere in the future but I know at that moment I will here cicada Sing and I Will finally be free.
Trust me tell anybody I don't care who it is that you're having these thoughts call this number National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
Comments
Post a Comment